Wait! They don’t love you like I love you
You’re born with a ton of fucks to give, so you spend them like a kid with a credit card. You give fucks about your friends, about your grades, about your fashion sense, about strangers’ opinions. You give way too many fucks about way too many things. You have so many. Then, as you get older, you have maybe 10 fucks per month, so you learn to budget them. You allocate fucks to family and career, but there aren’t enough fucks to give to the newest fads. Oh, someone at work has something they need my help with that’s outside my job title? I’ll do my best to allocate some fucks, but this month is pretty tight. Then, as you get even older, you’re down to 1-2 fucks per month, and those fucks are pretty damn precious. You give them to your family and your hobbies and your job, and that’s kinda it. It’s not your fault – fucks expire too quickly. I would’ve liked to save my fucks from when I was younger but I can’t. Then, you hit fuck insolvency. You’re getting like 1 fuck a year, and you have to make it last. So you go without, and even previously fuck-worthy things, you just can’t give a fuck. Some people run out really quickly, Some people have a fuck trust fund that pays out a decent amount even into old age. But at some point, the fuck faucet runs completely dry and you’re out of fucks to give. It’s just basic Fuckonomics.
In a relationship, you need somebody who’s going to call you out, not somebody who’s going to let everything slide. You need somebody who doesn’t want to live without you, but can. Not somebody that is dependent, but somebody who is stronger with you. A relationship is two people, not one.
Why We’re Attracted To People Who Are Wrong For Us
Mind Body Green writes:
I’m asked this question all the time: "Why am I attracted to people who are wrong for me?" And the answer is quite simple, actually:
Because your wounded self is doing the attracting.
Now, I know the term “wounded self” can sound a little intense, so let me explain. We all have two selves: the “little self” (or the wounded self, the ego) and the “Spiritual Self” (the higher self, adult self, or soul).
The wounded self is the part of you that feels incomplete. It questions your worth and value; it doesn’t feel whole, or it feels flawed in some way. My wounded self is the “little me” who wonders if I’m truly lovable.
On the other hand, we also have a Spiritual Self. This is your higher self, your soul. It’s the part of you that’s connected to love, truth, wisdom and peace within. Your Spiritual Self knows, without a doubt, how lovable and valuable you are. In many ways, it’s the opposite of the ego.
At any given time, we are operating from one of these two selves. Many of us, unfortunately, operate from the viewpoint of the ego most of the time. That is, we believe we’re insignificant and powerless in some way, and we’re trying to make up for this lack.
The ego looks for things on the outside to find validation and completion. It believes once it gets more (money, a better partner, a better job, a better house, more vacations, etc…) it will finally be happy.
But … it’s never happy. Not for long, anyway. Because the ego’s very nature is to feel incomplete. Therefore when you live through the perspective of your ego, you’re destined to feel like something’s missing. Life through this lens is not very fun.
The ego gets highly activated when it comes to romantic relationships, because relationships are where we hold the most wounding.
Read the rest here.
Instead of saying “I don’t have time” try saying “it’s not a priority,” and see how that feels. Often, that’s a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don’t want to. But other things are harder. Try it: “I’m not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it’s not a priority.” “I don’t go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.” If these phrases don’t sit well, that’s the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don’t like how we’re spending an hour, we can choose differently.